He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
