She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
