I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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