so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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