Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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