i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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