drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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