dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
