margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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