I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
