Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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