If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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