mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize