i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
