I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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