are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
