anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
