we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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