Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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