if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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