since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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