Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
