Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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