it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
