i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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