About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
smell my finger.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
