my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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