i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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