it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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