I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
