i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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