Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
