I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
