Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
