I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just cropdusted the office
My vagina just recognized that song.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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