I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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