lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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