I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
