capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
