I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
