In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
