between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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