You smell like a Billy Joel song
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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