what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
