atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
