i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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