i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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