oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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