I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
