you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He has the fingertips of a God
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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