I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
