Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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