That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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