Your dad touched me again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize