I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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