dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Welp...herpes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
