True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
