Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
