I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
