Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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