I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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