Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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