My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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