bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
