she was so not down for the gang bang
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
