She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
