Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
