My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
