Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize