i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
