I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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