Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
