im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
