my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I wish there were birth control emojis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
