just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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